How Do I Get My First Big Yes Without Begging?

From the archive. First published February 2021.

Well, why not?

If you cannot earn a client, why not just beg and get going?

With so many possibilities in your head, there you are, holding a long list of services that you truly believe would change the world. And you can’t help doubting yourself.

You think you need an email list.

Or a blank cheque from your family to kickstart your career. Or a feature on a famous blog.

You want them all and you want them as a favour.

And of course, you plan to pay it back when the right time comes. But nobody can see that right time coming for you, including you.

The question is how you can persuade someone to do you a favour.

I have tried the begging version. In January 2020 my Upwork account was blocked, after I had held a place among its top 17 writers, so I started again on a new freelance site. My profile line read: “First 1000 words FREE, no questions asked.” In the bid I said it was one of my first, that I would write the first thousand words for nothing, and then take whatever the client could afford, no questions, in exchange for a positive review. I signed off “Your new friend, Deepak.” Read back now, it asks the client to do all the thinking, take all the risk and do me the favour.

That is the exact trap this post is about, and the six steps below are what I would send instead.

If you don’t know how to get a yes, you fail. Simple.

You need enough yeses in your life for your business to succeed, and so many of us struggle to get them.

To fight that struggle, we need to learn the art of persuasion.

The book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion is a classic on the subject. It outlines a number of scientifically tested ways to influence people.

There is no magic or mystery in it. Nobody needs a silk robe to cut a deck of cards in front of an audience.

It is just plain, new-school science.

What follows is a six-step guide on how to turn a no into a yes and earn clients.

Give them something to think about.

We keep asking people to think about our ideas, even though we know they already have enough to think about.

They don’t want to think about your idea. No problem. Do it for them.

The best way around this is to outline for them what they should think about.

• Explain how your service will benefit their brand, and offer sufficient examples, instead of expecting them to look them up.

• Be clear and concise about what you’re offering and support it with reasons.

• Most importantly, lay out what they should do next and why.

If you do these steps right, pitching won’t feel like asking for a favour. It will feel more like advising.

The idea is to think everything through for them.

Start a forest fire, and skip the bonfire.

The comfort-zone approach says ‘start small’: set small fires over a long period before you get the whole forest to burn, before you go viral.

Starting small seems like a smart approach, but that’s an illusion.

Instead, focus on one big yes. Go out, find one big forest and see how you can light it up.

The bigger the forest, the heavier the smoke, and the better the reach.

It’s a terrible metaphor for a simple idea: get a push from a famous blogger, a convincing leader or a celebrity customer. After the first big yes, the following yeses fly in easily.

Once you set the fire in a big enough forest, it spirals you upwards on its own.

Of course, it takes a lot of work in the beginning to find a big yes, but in the long run it is far less work.

Jog before you sprint.

It might sound like it conflicts with the last step, but it doesn’t. Here we’re talking about asking for a small estate before you ask for the entire forest.

We’re trying to reduce the risk for the person who is offering you help. Map the hits and the flops, plan the next step, and let the result speak for itself.

And if it turns out well, ask for more, and then more. That is being smart.

For example, if you are approaching a popular blog to get featured, start by pitching a single story. If that gets a yes, send an outline, and then write the full draft.

If that goes well, go all in and pitch more ideas.

The idea is to get a single yes first, prove your worth, and then ask for more: a progressive level of commitment.

If we follow this approach, the chances of getting a yes improve tremendously.

Create real urgency.

The traditional, artificial way of creating urgency is outdated. We have all seen the 30% discount banner on our favourite websites, with the sale limited to the first 100 subscribers. That’s nonsense, and we all know it.

Two weeks later the brand still has the same banner, still looking for its first 100 subscribers.

These cheap stunts cost brands our trust, and ultimately the sale.

But there is a smarter way to do this. Let’s say you want to give away a supplement for free. Make it available for a limited period, and start charging a small fee when the window closes. And make sure your window is real.

Of course, some potential clients will miss the opportunity. But that’s better than leaving the boundaries open.

If you’re offering anything of value, you should be the one who dictates the timeline.

Gain leverage first.

Gary Vaynerchuk has been shouting his leverage theory for a decade now. It’s simple. If you want people to listen to you, you need to give them something of value first, and more than once. More than twice.

The ratio is not 1:1, or 1:2.

The right ratio is probably 1:10.

You need to give people value over and over again, until one day you have enough leverage to ask your audience for a sale.

Don’t put them under a guilt spell. Don’t scratch their back hoping they will scratch yours.

This is about an act of generosity so overwhelming that your audience can’t say no.

If you want one good product review, solve ten issues that are worth feedback.

It’s a ton of legwork, but that’s the price of gaining leverage.

Show your purpose instead of a goal.

Imagine two non-profits asking for a donation. One is asking for your help to continue its services in the public sector. The other is fighting to secure its editorial independence in journalism.

Which one would you donate to? The latter, right?

And not just a small token. With a purposeful banner like that, people may even offer a higher level of support. At least I would.

That’s the power of showing your purpose instead of the goal.

This step is most useful when you pick subjects for your brand. Instead of working on another listicle, take a stand on an issue related to your brand and write an opinion piece filled with logic and passion.

This is how you move from selling a product to changing people’s lives.

Once you step out of a sales pitch and into a purposeful movement, people feel grateful just to have the chance to help you spread the word.

Once you have a purpose, you don’t beg people for their help. You lead them to where you want to go. And if the goal is worthy enough, people follow you.

Making your business bigger and more profitable follows on its own.

What matters is falling in love with something worth getting up for every day.

If you have something like that, you can move mountains every Monday morning.

And if you don’t...

Well, what are you doing here anyway?

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