This week started with a confession: my plans used to die in week two. It ends with the one page that stopped that. If you've been filling in the sheet, tonight is when the column starts to matter.
Many people think reviewing your day means writing about it. It doesn't. Writing about it is how a missed sit turns into a story about yourself, and the column helps you avoid that story.
Sivananda’s diary had 27 questions. Mine has three lines.
Swami Sivananda, whose lineage I live inside at Neyyar Dam, told everyone who asked to keep a spiritual diary: "A diary is a whip for goading the mind towards righteousness and God." His had 27 questions, from the time you woke to how many rounds of mantra you did. He also said, more kindly, that there is "no other better friend and more faithful teacher than your diary." [1]
Mine is his, cut down to the size I'll actually fill in. Three lines (Clean up, Wake up, Grow up) and three marks. A tick means done. A cross means I had the chance and didn't take it. A dash means I didn't get the chance, for example when I'm travelling or ill. I don't write down how I felt. The column is the whole review.
Wednesday's cross is the most important mark on the page.
After a cross, the same line tomorrow.
This is what the sheet is really for. After a cross, you write the same line again for tomorrow. Don't make a new plan or a smaller plan, and don't give yourself a stern talk.
Research backs this up. In the best-known study of habit formation, one missed day did not materially disrupt the habit [2]. What breaks the habit is what people do the morning after: they replan, and they renegotiate with themselves. Replanning is a way of starting over without admitting it.
The Yoga Sutras say the same thing, and it's the teaching I've carried the longest. Sutra 1.33 says the mind becomes clear when it keeps friendliness towards the happy, compassion towards the suffering, gladness towards the virtuous, and even-mindedness (upeksha) towards those who have done wrong. Read it with yourself as the one who did wrong, and be even-minded towards the version of you that missed. Then do the next thing properly, when you're ready.
I have found that this is the whole difference between the 41-day mandala I finished and the dozen plans before it that I didn't finish. I missed sessions in the mandala, and I didn't punish myself for them. I just tried not to miss the next one. The Gita calls that evenness yoga itself (2.48), and it calls the self you treat that way a friend (6.5).
So what do I actually do tonight?
Open the sheet and make your marks. If there is a cross, write the same line again for tomorrow before you close it. That's all.
Tomorrow is Sunday, which means the next in-depth post: Why do I break promises to myself? It starts with the promise that is too big to keep and the one that is too small to matter.
The third and fourth sections of the sheet cover the column. Tonight is your first one.
What helps most is a cross you can forgive.
Sources
Swami Sivananda, "Importance of Spiritual Diary", Divine Life Society (sivananda.org.in PDF).
Lally et al. (2010), European Journal of Social Psychology 40(6).
Seasonal Friend: finding answers to modern problems in Hindu scriptures.
If you’re busy and a little tired of being busy, these pieces are for you. Learn to take more responsibility, with tools from yogic productivity. I call the thread running through all of it Responsibilism. Written by Deepak Parihar, a writer, strategist and yogi who lives and works at the Sivananda ashram in Kerala, India.
Get things done without losing yourself in the process
Why we know what to do and still don’t do it, answered from the Bhagavad Gita, the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali and the Sivananda books. Start with Day 1 and read in order. Each one ends with something small to try the same day.
I’m Deepak. I run the media for the Sivananda ashram in Kerala, and most of what I write here is a question I was asking myself that week. More about me.
Explorative Letters
Organise your thoughts with a pen friend. Personal, thoughtful letters from a real person, with a hand-drawn doodle. Weekly, two letters, $29. Monthly, five letters, $99. Your first letter arrives within 48 hours. See the letters.
I also write for wellness brands
Yoga teachers, studios, retreats, Ayurveda clinics. I like to think of myself as a yogi, so I know what you teach. I write for a living, so it will read well. How a project goes: a free brand audit, picking the ideas worth writing, a few calls to capture your voice, then writing and distribution. See the work.
A free brand audit for wellness brands
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Explorative Letters: a pen friend for whatever is on your mind.
You write about it. A thoughtful stranger writes back within 48 hours, by letter, with a doodle. Start any time; your first letter arrives within 48 hours of payment.
What the letters are
A slow, written conversation with someone who listens well. Every exchange is anonymous. Writing a letter gives you a few hours alone with your own thoughts, away from the phone. Most people find the problem gets smaller once it is on paper. Each letter carries a hand-drawn doodle by the writer, matched to the mood of your letter.
What people write about
Relationships, work, past baggage, present struggles, future plans.
How it works
Pick a topic, choose a writer and a plan, pay with PayPal and fill in the form on this page. Within 48 hours an anonymous writer sends you an opening letter with a doodle drawn for your theme. Take three or four days to answer; we nudge you once or twice a week if the letter is waiting. Your pen friend replies within 48 hours each time.
The three writers
N writes fiction in Japan, reflective and precise. D writes in India, warm and direct. W is a short story writer in Germany, published in international journals.
Two plans
Weekly: $29 for 7 days, one exchange, two letters, first letter within 48 hours. Monthly: $99 for 28 days, four exchanges, five letters, reminders twice a week. PayPal only for now.
Questions
Can I choose a specific writer? Yes, choose N, D or W when you order; you can switch writers when the subscription renews. What happens if I forget to write back? We send a reminder twice a week until your subscription expires. Can I extend or buy additional letters? Yes, email explorativeletters@gmail.com. Is this therapy? No. Your pen friend is a thoughtful writer who listens well, not a therapist, and the letters are not treatment. If you are in crisis, please contact a local helpline or emergency services first.
About Seasonal Friend. Your work is good. Your words should be too.
Deepak Parihar. Writer, strategist, yogi. Over five million published words.
Yoga teachers, studios, retreats and wellness brands do real work. But much of it never reaches the people who need it, because it is hard to put into words. That is where I come in. I have written over five million words for clients and brands. I am also a yogi, so I understand what you teach and why it matters.
I live and work at the Sivananda Dhanwantari Ashram in Kerala. My days begin and end with meditation and chanting, with yoga in between. The rest of the day I run the ashram’s media, from the website to the videos, and most of what I write about comes from what I learn here.
What I help with
Finding your story: what you stand for, said in a way only you could say it. Putting it into words: copy that people read to the end and remember. Getting it seen: in front of the right people, on the right channels.
I also write about yogic productivity: how to get things done without losing yourself in the process. The answers come from Hindu scriptures like the Bhagavad Gita and the Yoga Sutras, applied to today. It is for almost all of us who are busy, and a little tired of being busy. Read about Yogic Productivity and Responsibilism.
Kind words
“Working with Deepak in India was a joy. He helped us shoot and coordinate our documentary, and somehow every permission got sorted. On long, hot days he kept our tired crew smiling. He even pitched in on the edit afterwards. We would happily work with him again.” Lee Taekyoung, Producer, South Korea.
“D did a great job. He created a compelling narrative and extensive planning for us. I would recommend him and rehire him in the future.” Mark Dominik, Owner, Bins and Boxes GmbH.
Yogic Productivity: getting things done without losing yourself in the process.
Yogic productivity takes the ordinary questions of a working life (why can’t I focus, why am I so tired, why do I keep making the same mistake) to Hindu scriptures that have been asked them for two thousand years: the Bhagavad Gita, Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras and the Sivananda books. Then it answers them directly, with one small thing to try today. By Deepak Parihar, a writer and yogi at the Sivananda ashram in Kerala.
The problem
You know what to do and you still don’t do it. Most productivity advice begins with the plan. The old Hindu scriptures put the problem one step earlier: a restless mind cannot hold a plan, however good the plan is. So the first job is to settle the mind the plan depends on. We usually ask “How do I make myself work?” Yoga asks “What is keeping my mind so busy right now?”
Responsibilism: three kinds of work, done together
Responsibilism is the practice of taking responsibility for your own state. It borrows its shape from Ken Wilber’s Integral theory, which says a person grows along more than one line at once, and fills that shape from the yoga tradition. Clean up is the body and the habits: food, sleep, fasting, cleansing practices, writing things down, looking at the parts of yourself you would rather not; Explorative Letters live here. Wake up is attention, and who is paying it: Patanjali’s eight limbs, from how you treat people, through breath and posture, to concentration and meditation; learning to watch a thought instead of becoming it, and waking up to who you actually are underneath the roles. Grow up is responsibility in widening circles: first for yourself, then for the people in the room with you, then your community, your country, the world; what the Gita calls karma yoga, acting fully without clutching at the result. You do a little of each, most days, and the lines pull each other up.
Start here: the series, in order
Day 1 Why Do I Know What to Do and Still Not Do It? Day 2 Why Does My Willpower Run Out, and What Brings It Back? Day 3 What Is Draining My Energy? Day 4 What Puts My Energy Back? Day 5 Why Should I Take Sleep Seriously? Day 6 Does What I Eat Change How I Think? Day 7 Can Fasting Help Me Think Clearly, and How Do I Start? Day 8 Why Do I Argue with Myself? All posts.
The books behind it
The Bhagavad Gita: eighteen chapters, a conversation on a battlefield about how to act when you would rather not. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali: 196 verses on the mind. The books of Swami Sivananda and Swami Vishnudevananda, several of them free from the Divine Life Society at dlshq.org. Sanskrit is kept to a minimum and every word used is explained in the glossary.
Glossary: the Sanskrit words used on Seasonal Friend, and what they mean.
abhyasa (practice)
Doing the same small thing again and again, on purpose. Patanjali says it takes root when it is done for a long time, without a break, and with care. He does not mention intensity.
ahankara (the I-maker)
The part of the mind that says “mine”. It takes a thought, an achievement or a mistake and attaches it to you. Useful for getting out of bed; unhelpful when it will not let a mistake go.
buddhi (the deciding mind)
The faculty that weighs and chooses. When it is clear, you know what to do and do it. When it is clouded by tiredness or craving, you know what to do and watch yourself not doing it.
chitta (the mind-stuff)
The whole mind, including memory and everything stored in it. Patanjali’s definition of yoga is the settling of its movements.
chitta vritti (the waves of the mind)
The movements of thought: wanting, remembering, imagining, worrying. Patanjali counts five kinds. Two of them tend to be the ones keeping you awake at midnight.
dharana (concentration)
Holding attention on one thing. The sixth of Patanjali’s eight limbs, and the step most people skip on their way to meditation.
dhyana (meditation)
What concentration becomes when it stops being effort. The seventh limb. Patanjali put it this far down the list for a reason.
gunas (the three qualities)
Three moods that colour everything, including your mind on a given morning. Sattva is clear and steady, rajas is restless and busy, tamas is heavy and dull. You cannot pick one, but you can notice which one is running and feed the one you want.
karma yoga (the yoga of action)
Doing the work fully and letting go of the result. Not indifference; the opposite. The Gita’s most quoted verse (2.47) is about this.
kleshas (the afflictions)
Five knots that sit under most repeated mistakes: not seeing clearly, taking yourself to be your roles, clinging to what feels good, pushing away what does not, and fear of ending. Patanjali names them so you can find the one you keep tripping on.
manas (the sensing mind)
The part of the mind that receives and reacts: the phone buzzes, manas wants to look. It is fast and not very wise, and it is not the whole of you.
prana (life force)
The energy that everything else runs on, including willpower. It can be spent, leaked and restored. Yoga is unusual in treating energy, not time, as the thing to manage first.
pranayama (breath practice)
Working with the breath to settle the mind and tidy the energy. Five slow breaths with a longer exhale is the smallest version.
pratyahara (drawing the senses in)
Turning attention away from what is pulling at it. Putting the phone in another room is pratyahara with a door.
sakshi (the witness)
The part of you that noticed the thought. Not the thought, not the one who argues with it, the one watching. Finding it is the most practical idea in this whole series.
samadhi (absorption)
The eighth limb, where the watcher and the watched stop being two things. Not something to aim at on a Tuesday, but good to know where the ladder goes.
samskara (a groove)
A habit as the tradition sees it: a track worn by repetition. You do not erase a groove by deciding to. You wear a new one next to it, a little at a time.
sattvic (clear, light, steady)
Of food, a room or a mind: the quality that leaves you clear rather than heavy or wired. A sattvic diet is the yogic answer to “does what I eat change how I think”.
svadhyaya (self-study)
Looking honestly at your own patterns, often by writing them down. Sivananda asked every student to keep a diary. Explorative Letters are svadhyaya with a pen friend.
vairagya (detachment)
Not having to follow every pull. You can still want the tea; you notice the wanting and stay where you are. Patanjali pairs it with abhyasa; together they are the whole method.
viveka (discernment)
Telling the lasting from the passing, the real from the merely loud. The skill that buddhi is for.
yamas and niyamas (how you treat others, how you treat yourself)
The first two limbs: honesty, not harming, not grabbing, restraint, not hoarding; then cleanliness, contentment, discipline, self-study and surrender. The part of yoga that happens before the mat.
Yogic Productivity
Getting things done without losing yourself in the process, with answers drawn from the Gita, the Yoga Sutras and the Sivananda books.
Responsibilism
The framework behind all of this: three kinds of work done together, clean up, wake up, grow up. Borrowed in shape from Ken Wilber’s Integral theory, filled in from the yoga tradition.
Work: a few things Deepak Parihar has written, and what happened next.
Five million words for clients and brands, most of them unsigned. Content strategy for a corporate training company: organic reach up 600% in four months by answering the questions clients were already asking, one thoughtful piece at a time. Brand narrative and content planning for Bins and Boxes GmbH, Germany (“He created a compelling narrative and extensive planning for us,” Mark Dominik, Owner). Media and communications for the Sivananda Dhanwantari Ashram in Kerala: website, search, newsletters, blog, videos and social channels. How a project goes: a free brand audit, a few calls to capture your voice, then the writing and a distribution plan. Request a brand audit.
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