Why Am I Always Tired?

From the archive. First published April 2025.

We work like machines because we’re afraid to stop.

What weighs us down is what we’re avoiding. We work to pay the bills, and we also work to silence something we’re too afraid to face.

We’re terrified of stillness.

Silence feels threatening. The minute we stop, the noise inside begins: regret, and that old itch of “What the hell am I doing with my life?”

So we fill the silence with emails and deadlines. We’d rather die productive than sit still and meet ourselves.

The Katha Upanishad nails this: "Paranchi khani vyatrinat svayambhuh tasmāt parāṅ paśyati nāntarātman" “The Self created the senses outward-going; hence one sees the outer world, not the inner Self.” Katha Upanishad 2.1.1, trans. Swami Chinmayananda

Looking inward feels like walking into a burning building. Outward is easier, even if it kills us.

We measure our worth in output.

We don’t know who we are unless we’re achieving. We can’t say “I’m tired.” We say “I’ve been busy.” It sounds more noble, and it buys us status. But it also hides our lack of self-worth. If we stop doing, we think we’ll disappear.

The Bhagavad Gita reminds us: "Karmanye vadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana" “You have the right to action, but not to the fruits of action.” Gita 2.47, trans. Swami Sivananda

But we’ve flipped that. We obsess over the fruit and rot at the roots.

We confuse distraction with purpose.

Working nonstop gives us a storyline, a script, a way to dodge the deeper stuff. Ask someone why they work so hard and you’ll hear “I have to.” Pry a little, and it’s more like “I don’t know who I am without it.”

Patanjali warned us about this in the Yoga Sutras: "Vyutthāna-nirodha-saṃskārayoḥ abhibhava-prādur-bhāvau nirodha-kṣaṇa-cittānvayo nirodha-pariṇāmaḥ" “When the impressions of distraction and stillness alternate, and stillness begins to dominate, that is the transformation toward samādhi.” Yoga Sutras 3.9, trans. Swami Satchidananda

But we never stay still long enough to find out what’s beneath the noise.

We weren’t held, so we hold on to work.

For many of us, the idea of being seen without doing is unbearable. Few of us were simply held, without judgement and without “What’s next?” So now we work as if it were penance, as if it will make us worthy, as if achievement will give us the love that still feels missing.

We don’t rest because rest asks too many questions.

What if the real work lies somewhere other than the job? What if it’s facing the parts of you that scare you? That’s harder than emails, and harder than 12-hour days, because once you start asking the real questions, things begin to unravel.

And most of us aren’t ready to lose the version of ourselves we’ve spent decades performing.

Stillness is the bit of life we’ve been skipping.

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