The Easiest Way to Keep Working When You’re Just Not Feeling It
I don’t feel good today.
I woke up late. Since my first cup of coffee at 11 in the morning, I have been avoiding my laptop. I am not too sick to type down an article, but I definitely would have skipped this one if I hadn’t made a promise to publish a piece every day for the next 30 days.
I should have been done by now had I got to my desk on time.
On days like this, I begin to work only when the fear of not completing my tasks exceeds the fear of doing it perfectly. Most days that takes time.
Also, I am committed. I have told the internet about this 30 days challenge. It has been 10 days. I can’t be giving up this early. What would that say about me?
Philosophy says I am scared while Psychology’s answer is that I am stuck in my personality type, and there is nothing I can do about it except working on my daily habits.
(Writing every day is an attempt to work on a habit.)
Religion tags it as a sin.
And if I looked long enough, I could find tens of procrastinating main characters in literature.
I think Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment was pretty lazy too. That piece of information doesn’t give me even a second of comfort.
Let’s strike all the resources that can help me out on this dull day. Let’s see what my lazy heart says.
On my writer themed afternoon, I cup my chin in both my hands and sit next to a window, staring far away in the void.
When someone asks me the high point of my day, I proudly tell them that I wasted three hours staring out of my window.
During these hours of idleness, I get through a series of revelations about what kind of emotional procrastination I might be plunging into.
On occasions, I figure out that my hours of laziness are the direct byproduct of my chaotic personal life.
Or the wrong type of food I have shoved in my mouth in the past few days.
It might as well be about the difficult conversation that I am avoiding with my dad.
It could be my irregular bedtime routine. On most days, a good nap can almost solve anything.
It could be about anything and it wouldn’t reveal itself to me unless I would voluntarily look for it.
My favourite excuse to put off tasks is that I have already wasted a lot of time. I am already halfway through the day and it seems impossible to pull off something important before the next morning.
All the time I spend looking out of the window leaves me with a pile of self-disgust that I later use to fire my future efforts.
In that way, I hardly ever waste any time. That also gives me enough fire to finish my task before the deadline is due.
Do I need to rest? Yes.
But should I skip this one and rest? No.
Should I abandon all my personal goals at the first blink of my unmotivated afternoons?
“How bad do you want it,” the universe might be asking me through these lazy hours.
And this piece could partly be the answer.
I have promised myself that I would stick to my 30 days writing challenge. I am sticking to it.
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